Chuck Norris Has Bodyguards?

The Almost Late Show was our attempt at a late-night-type show, hosted by our local "celebrity" radio DJ Bobby Bones, and shot in our sound-stage, which coincidentally, was very noisy, echoed horribly, and had a giant pole in the middle that had to be worked-around. Nevertheless, the ALS went into production, and as any good late show, we had our own bits.

On one particular occasion, we were "blessed" with an interview with the man who comic book heroes are based off of: CHUCK NORRIS. I'm pretty sure everyone knows at LEAST one Chuck Norris joke... Let me remind you if you can't remember:

EXAMPLE: Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

No? Perhaps this...

EXAMPLE: When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Get the idea? Okay, so we get Chuck Norris to agree to answer some Chuck Norris jokes on camera. When I digitize the tape, I have the most amazing jewel of Chuck Norris finishing the phrase: "Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, but.... (Chuck Norris) a horse is hung like Chuck Norris."

YES!!!

The very next moment, my producer along with the VP (and owner's daughter--more on that later) walk in and say that Chuck Norris' people are on their way, and they are pissed!

Moments later, in walk two of the largest men I've ever seen in my life, and one "LA-type" lawyer. The guys are Chuck Norris' bodyguards.

Let me pause for a moment, in case you missed that. They are Chuck Norris' BODYGUARDS.

Now, how absolutely, retardedly bad-ass do you have to be, for Chuck Norris to say, "Okay, okay, YOU have my back?"

So now that I've painted this picture for you: Me, my editor-life-mate Steve, Chuck Norris' lawyer, and his two Hulk-sized bodyguards crammed into one 12x12 room, the lawyer demands the original tape from me, and demands that I delete all the media I just captured onto my computer. Just for insurance, he asks the two Chuck Norris Secret Service Agents (yes, they had earpieces) to stand behind me and verify that I delete EVERYTHING.

I crap myself, hand the lawyer the tape, and verbally explain everything I'm doing, all the while feeling the breath of what might as well have been two giant Spanish toros, waiting to gorge me.

All the "potentially damaging" material removed and in the careful custody of the lawyer, the Chuck Norris Image Police leave Steve and I sitting speechless at our desks.

So Chuck Norris needs protection???

Exposition

So this is an attempt to capture the absurdity of the world which we call home: Post Production.

Fix it in post, polish the turd, I understand the process because I've worked both in front of- and behind the camera.

This is where it all comes together, good or bad.